But if you are a small business and/or restaurant with an upscale target market and a really polished image, it might not be the best thing for you, especially if you’ve opened recently. Google for “groupon sucks” and the #1 hit you will see is a blog post from a spa marketing company talking about how discounting is not always the best way to attract new customers. It is certainly food for thought and a great post, but targeted at “luxury” goods like hundred-dollar treatments and the like.

What if your per-check average is well under $20? Is it such a bad idea to discount, then?

A friend just told me that they were hesitant to try a local restaurant because it always looks empty. I know for a fact that the restaurant’s food is quite good and told him so. They have a dining room too big for their needs and that hurts them with walk-by traffic, as my friend’s perception shows. This place might benefit from a quick-and-dirty campaign to get more people in the door. Or perhaps you can skip giving half the money to Groupon and just go to the restaurant. Do we have a deal? Good. Also try out another local place experimenting with Groupon – but just go instead of buying the coupon. Their sandwiches are amazing.

Iceberg is but the tip of this iceberg. . .  there are lots of early-exposure problems that cascade into picky/limited eaters later.  Even one typical meal holds numerous traps:
1. stale lettuce with
2. pale flavorless tomatoes flanking
3. anemic carrots underneath
4. fatty yet boring dressing as a precursor to
5. overcooked underseasoned meat alongside
6. baked potato in a coffin of bacon bits and cheese next to
7. brown, mushy green beans or
8. greying soggy broccoli not to mention
9. horridly pale and bland peas & carrots drizzled with rancid butter meant to be the homework before the recess of
10. chocolate cake dark with color yet light on cocoa with its layers of
11. hydrogenated frosting so sweet it makes the scoop of airy vanilla ice cream nearly savory

This is long before you get into the esoterica like liver, lima beans, beets, fish (!!!), eggplant….

They are delicious and worth keeping around – even if consumers will need to pay higher prices because they are more difficult to farm and manage.

Saving The Chiles – article posted a few days ago online.  Decent reading if you’re new to the chile preservation subject.

All the “cool kids” were saying that bacon jumped the shark nearly 2 years ago – the whole “let’s put bacon in everything!!!” is done/over/tired.

Sure, bacon is tasty.  But as a fad it definitely hit hard (even the post-fad engendered some anger) and maybe, just maybe, the shark-jumpage will be accelerated with the whole nasty flu business going on.

Yes, yes, I know you can’t get it by EATING pork.  But who isn’t going to come away from the whole situation without at least associating something big, threatening, and potentially pretty disruptive to those pink carriers of delicious meaty treats?  See what I mean?

. . . and that’s why the phrase “Get your goat” indicates frustration or irritation with a situation.  It comes from either a French or British history and basically means someone took away your only means to get daily milk.

Because “goat is the most widely consumed meat in the world“, it would be an annoyance for much of the planet – not necessarily Americans who are often squeamish about things that don’t taste like burger or chicken.

Luckily I live in a city with barely enough people of Mexican origin to give me a couple of local restaurant options for goat (birria, if you’re reading that menu).

If you do, too, seek it out – you might be suprised that it is delicious and mild.  It does not, however, taste like beef, so don’t expect to not notice any difference.

Despite your admirable effort at curbing your consumption to lose some of the extra winter survival storage, I can see you looking askance as I prepare my mid-day meal.  How could you not?  It’s freakin’ enormous, colorful, and assembled by hand each day.

The only thing you should know - which might make your head explode - is that my mixing-bowl-sized lunch salad has the same number of calories as your Lean Cuisine.  It probably doesn’t even cost that much more, especially if you didn’t stock up while Smith’s had frozen dinners on sale.  Not to mention far fewer amounts of scary additives and processed grains in that teeny tiny little tray that spins around in the microwave defrosting with gusto.

Smug much, me?  Yep.  Sorry.  It’s Monday.

There is good news, here, of course.  Service can be improved.  Easily.  Granted, each employee’s behavior might be tricky to change, establishing their habits and making sure they realize it ain’t just a job – its a SERVICE job. 

Tip pooling is helping to kill service levels.  Too many restaurants take all tips that come in during a shift and divide it amongst the staff, sometimes the kitchen staff as well.  The top performers – those that know your name, top up your coffee with a wink and a ‘here ya go, hon!’ – are tipped the same amount as the ones who disappear from sight, forget your order, and never smile.  I’ll write more about this, you can be sure about that.

However, this post was prompted by the atrocious phone skills I experience from restaurants.  For example, I just called one small place during their slow hours.  The first time I was met with some background talking, silence, and then a “click”.   I called back, and got the fax machine.  Now, if I were a new customer trying to locate them or even check the hours, I would probably give up.

Rules for phones at restaurants, in order of importance:

1. Answer the phone with a smile.  Allow all employees to answer the phone and make sure they know the operating hours, the street address, and possibly the name of the manager.  That’s all!
2. Have crucial but brief information in your voicemail greeting – something like this takes no more than 12 seconds to say (I timed it):  ”Thank you for calling Shish-Ka-Bob Restaurant at 456 Western Boulevard, open weekdays from 8 to 8 and weekends from 10 to 9.  Leave your message and we’ll call you back”.
3. Call people back if they do leave a message.
4. Do not let the voicemail box get full.

You might be suprised at how many restaurants do not follow most or even all of these guidelines.  In the shrinking restaurant economy, they need every single customer and anything that can be done to ensure a good experience will bring in new customers as well as increase their reputation for future visits.  Did I mention that answering the phone with a smile is FREE?  Unlike changing the menu, redecorating, hiring more staff, et cetera….

My favorite restaurants almost always have amazing service, either starched and impeccable to caring and friendly to a fault.  (Laverne at Mannie’s, I’m talking to YOU!)

Albuquerque is not innundated with celebrity chefs who ply their patrons with equistively expensive, life-changing tasting menus.  There are but a few restaurants in town who even do prix fixe dining, usually limiting things to 3 or 4 courses in the $40-75 range.  These are the establishments who I can think of that offer prix fixe at least some of the time:

Jennifer James 101

Seasons

Scalo

Greenside Cafe

Savoy

Nob Hill Bar & Grill

Prairie Star

Yet, there is New York.  A young lad with cash to spare is a nut for Per Se, and spent a stolen bathroom break trying to secure a reservation, ultimately succeeding only after enlisting multiple family members to dial concurrently. 

His long post about the experience (his third at Per Se) is the reason I adore New York and foodies in general.  Can we get some inventive, playful, thought-provoking food here, too?  The only thing that comes remotely close is the Community Table events at Jennifer James 101.  If you have not been, I highly recommend joining their email list to get the scoop on upcoming menus.

My local grocery store implored customers to buy it by putting up a hand lettered sign saying, “better than ice cream!!!”, and hopefully the message will get through to those a little shy about paying the admittedly steep $6/pint for the ambrosial dessert.  It taps into a recent trend giving gluten and sometimes dairy the cold shoulder, while embracing healthy fats from nuts and fish – including coconut.  Purely unsweetened coconut would fit into a primal diet, and this ain’t unsweetened, but in a showdown vs. regular ice cream, I think you’re in safer territory here.

Pasta Divina

The ingredients are certified organic and the flavors strong and outstanding with your own homemade or any high-quality sauce – even just butter!

They’ve finally gained enough recognition and promise that Whole Foods is carrying the brand in their fresh pasta section – congrats to Michelle and Luisella!